Self-Care for Shy Creators
If you are struggling to share your work or your ideas because you are shy or feel uncertain what to say, I feel you.
From the beginning of 2021 I’ve been trying to share more, including talking about my thoughts about the challenges with the hero’s journey on my Instagram account.
I know we connect with others through sharing our beliefs.
But even for me it was uncomfortable. I felt like I was doing too many things so instead of sharing about all of my interests I shared one slice of life and generally about my travels.
With the pandemic stopping travels I had time to rethink how I was showing up online and start practicing what I knew to be true.
It isn’t natural to jump in and start talking about ourselves, what we stand for and what we believe.
We need to warm up our story muscles.
Why shy creators need to practice self-care
Sharing your ideas with the world is not always a walk in the park.
Finding the ideas can feel in flow and then sharing them can get glitchy.
I want to talk about steps to take care and steps to help you see the value in your stepping up and sharing your work.
The closer I get to the thing I believe, that feels like what I am here to do, the more uncomfortable I’ve felt when sharing my work.
I recognize that for some people they get to this place and thrive. I admire these people.
I’m not there yet but I do not see this as a fatal flaw or a sign that I’m going in the wrong direction.
I see this as an opportunity to reset my nervous system.
Showing up is already out of my comfort zone.
I love people but I feel awkward talking about what I do.
When I'm really passionate I sometimes overshare and when I'm uncomfortable and undershare.
I admire people who seem to share effortlessly.
For me, I got to a point where I could write blog posts in flow… but when I thought nobody was reading them.
In my dream world I could write and the words would find the people who could benefit and they would just land there, getting the inspiration, hope and comfort they needed as if from a book someone cracked open in a used bookstore at random.
I wished I could hide and know I was making a difference.
Our world doesn’t work that way. At least I haven’t found a way to share my work and hide at the same time. Plus, to bring my work to others in a deep way, we need to work together, so people need to know who I am.
Your people need to know who you are, too. Not necessarily all of you, what you eat for breakfast or the personal dramas in your life, but the things that make your work unique and the experiences that have influenced your point of view. In story I would say, they need to know context.
Self-Care Practices for Creatives
When people started paying attention, presumably the goal of my writing, my process went from joy filled to anxiety ridden.
Here is what I am trying to do to soothe my nerves as I show up.
Two Practices
Give the brain a break
Walk
Spend time in nature
Listen to inspirational speakers
Read books
Spend time doing light inquiry
Journal
Meditate
You Can Develop Skills to Feel Better
When I started journaling I started to wonder if this is shyness or social anxiety.
I learned that social anxiety is something we can manage with skills.
The tasks we have to do as artists and entrepreneurs stretch us beyond our comfort zone and provide opportunities to learn and grow.
One of the skills I learned about managing social anxiety is that having a roadmap for specific scenarios is helpful.
This means when sharing your work asking:
What happens if your expectation is met? How will you feel? What will you do?
What if your expectations are unmet? How will that feel? What will you do as a next step?
Create a Reaction Roadmap
For me, I realized I had no roadmap for either scenario, for when responses to my work met expectations or didn’t meet my expectations.
In my mind I would always feel awkward and unsure no matter what I did, what I tried or what the outcome was.
I lacked a sense of what was possible, of how life could be different.
Secretly my vision was, people will get interested in something I write or say and with time get bored and leave.
I believed people accidentally paid attention, and it would last only for a moment.
Worse, I started to fear that I was wasting people’s time, after a friend told me I wasted her time with one of my video series about the WeStory.
That hurt but I rejected her judgement. I told myself that was her opinion. But the idea that I was wasting people’s time with my work penetrated my subconscious.
I felt deflated, cautious and nervous about writing and speaking for four months following that comment.
I imagine I’m not alone and that there are many people who don't show up because they are uncertain of the value they are bringing.
Trusting the Value of Your Work
It can be difficult to trust our own perceptions.
When I believed my friend’s opinion I fell into a well-trodden path in my mind, one I thought I had paved over or elevated above. But there I was stuck in this familiar place that at one time felt safe but now feels miserable. I don't belong here, feeling unacceptable.
My work matters, even if just to a few people.
Your work matters as well.
Here are new ideas to experiment with when you get stuck in a pattern of questioning the value of what you do.
Reexamine your relationship with feedback
List times when what you shared made an impact
Believe only the good feedback
Have gratitude for the good feedback
When you feel anxious, say ‘thank you’ to the part of you trying to keep you safe, but let that part know that the anxiety doesn’t serve you at this time
We may forget that broadcasting our thoughts to the world is a new thing. Not many of us were doing this or felt required to do this to have an artistic career or be an entrepreneur even just 10 years ago.
When you are an employee, you know who you are communicating with. And yes, that can have its challenges.
When broadcasting you have little idea who is reading your work. You guess.
Here are a few others guidelines that have helped me start to talk about my work and my beliefs in public.
Gentle guidelines for sharing your work with care
Know what you are sharing, the meaning and feeling you want to convey.
View what you write in blogs and on social media as sharing.
Think before you post.
Know why you are posting.
Learn from people’s reactions, responses and lack of response.
Make adjusts.
Be light about the process.
Believe in your process.
Stay the course.
Embrace your version of bold.
Remember, this is a process for everyone. We are all learning how to navigate this changing world.
Take the time to appreciate where you are and where you want to go and be gentle as you make your way forward one step at a time.
If you want to get a little more bold this summer, I’m sharing a 5-day Reignite Your Spark Challenge, sharing a small challenge each day between July 12-16 to help you find more energy to show up and do the work that will bring you joy and benefit others and the world. JOIN HERE